Parenting Behind the Screen

I just finished all of the following: attending ISTE, meeting and reconnecting with lots of awesome people, and reading Carl Hooker’s book Mobile Learning Mindset: The Parent’s Guide to Supporting Digital Age Learners. All of these were great experiences, but right now I’m going to reflect on the book. As I’m sitting on the airplane, I literally started this book when we took off, and now the pilot just told us we’re landing in 30 minutes (San Antonio to Chicago), so it’s a quick, easy read. However in under 120 pages, he hits on some extremely vexing problems, including everything from screen time, to reading your child’s text messages, whether or not to take away the phone, and digital wellness.

After consolidating our life into less and less rooms, as children have required more and more space, my husband and I have parted ways with many books and adopted a pretty strict “no purchasing books” policy, particularly if 1) it can be found at the library, 2) it’s a very difficult-to-find book, or 3) it will be a common reference. With those things in mind, I bought this book, specifically point 3. I have many personal friends who are constantly battling all of these issues (When is the right age to get my kid a phone? My kid wants an instagram account, but I don’t think she’s ready for it, etc.) After reading the book, I will definitely be sharing it with many friends as well as using it to create parent events at my schools.

I’m personally fascinated with this topic. I talk with kids about it all the time, because I think learning to manage oneself with technology is simply a life skill, and it’s not being taught anywhere else, including at home, because parents were never taught it, and aren't sure where to begin having those conversations.The author used a great term to describe this content: digital wellness. I could probably come up with enough content on this topic to write my own book, except that Mr Hooker just wrote basically all of the things I would have written. :-)

Some of my takeaways from the book (which are all supported by own conversations with my 5th-8th graders over the last 12 years):

1. Have conversations beforehand, not discipline afterward. Be a part of your child’s online life as much as you can, by asking questions. Make sure they know that you are always there to talk about things, even if you don’t have experience or solutions. If you can have conversations about issues, they won’t feel ashamed or feel the need to hide things.
2. If you can help it, don’t take away the device, (especially if it is part of a 1:1 or BYOD initiative). It makes as much sense to take away their phone as it does for your phone to be taken away. They need to have it to learn how to use it, taking it away sets that as a precedent and removes it as a learning device. (Mr. Hooker does a much better job of explaining this.)
3. Be an example. Model the digital behavior you want to see from your child. As trite as it sounds, actions truly speak louder than words. If they hear you telling them to put down the phone while you are checking your texts, well, you know what happens.
4. Make family guidelines together. If everyone participates in creating family rules, (BEFORE problems occur), they will be at the forefront of everyone’s mind, apply to everyone, and truly function as a guideline, not a reflexive punishment lashing out at someone.

So consider this a glowing recommendation for a very applicable book. How have you seen this topic come up with your students, or your own children? Even more, what innovative solutions have you or others created to solve some of these challenging situations?

photo credit: wuestenigel Shooting night Bucharest city by smartphone in hand via photopin (license)